Kibbles and Picks 2023 – Week 2
This is not what we would call an auspicious beginning.
Week 1 of the NFL season saw a fair number of surprises, which tends to mean that neither Stella nor myself have particularly good weeks. However, Stella managed a decent record, pulling a 9-7. I … did not, going 6-10 in what might be my worst opening week in the entire history of this feature.
Not exactly the first impression I was hoping to make with the move to the new digs.
All that being said, it’s just the first week of many. I have plenty of time to get my house in order. Will I? Well, that’s the question, isn’t it? I have no doubt that I will get better going forward. Unfortunately, I also have no doubt that Stella will get better going forward.
You see where I’m going with this.
Regardless, we’ve got to get going with Week 2, where Stella and I are once again at odds in seven of the slate’s 16 contests. Plenty of room for movement, whether that’s me catching up or Stella expanding her lead.
Our first game is the week’s first game. I’m going with the visiting Minnesota Vikings over the host Philadelphia Eagles. It’s early, but I have to say that I like what I’m seeing from the Vikings passing game – Kirk Cousins might not be the sexiest QB, but he has a lot of talented dudes catching the ball, led by Justin Jefferson, who remains the best in the business, along with TJ Hockenson and rookie Jordan Addison. Also, I think their defense can handle Philly close to as well as the Pats did. Stella’s expecting the Eagles to learn some lessons from their first week scare. She likes Jalen Hurts to really take control of this game, spreading the ball around through the air and using his legs when need be. She’s anticipating a big game from A.J. Brown and thinks that the Vikings are going to struggle a bit against a motivated Philly secondary and a fired-up pass rush. Either way, we both think it’s going to be a good one.
Next, I have the Ravens going into Cincinnati and taking down the Bengals. I’ll confess that I expect Lamar Jackson to get hurt at some point this season … but not yet. I think he is going to pick apart the Bengals by land and by air, though I won’t be shocked to see some issues with running the ball now that J.K. Dobbins is out for the season. Still, Lamar and the Ravens D should be enough to quash Cincy’s hopes. Meanwhile, Stella thinks that the Bengals are going to be fired up in front of their home crowd. The team’s performance looks a little uneven, but she’s a firm believer that Cincinnati has too much talent to continue down that road. As long as QB Joe Burrow can get right, she expects the Ravens secondary to have some trouble with the air attack of the Bengals. Expect emotions to run high in this one.
It’s a little early to be calling games meaningless, but we do have a couple that promise to be pretty tough hangs. I’ve got the Buccaneers winning at home against the Bears, but I can’t say I feel great about it. Or bad about it. Or anything at all about it, really. This pick is a big shoulder shrug for me. Stella feels similarly, though she does think that Justin Fields will probably have one of his best games of the season against the Bucs and so is going with Chicago. Again, neither of us care and we won’t be watching. Nor should you.
Another meh matchup is Indianapolis/Houston. I’ve got the Colts here, largely because I am heavily invested in the performance of rookie QB Anthony Richardson (who I believe will be a MUCH better fantasy quarterback than a real-life one) and I’m still buying into the “Houston is terrible” narrative. Stella has chosen to throw in with the rookie signal caller on the other sideline, picking C.J. Stroud to do enough to win the game for the Texans. This game has the potential to be even more unwatchable than Bears/Bucs, and that is saying something.
From there, we’re off to the Mile High City for another mediocre matchup, where I have the visiting Commanders taking care of business against the Broncos. Do I think the ‘Ders are good? I do not. I don’t even think they’re as good as the Broncos, to be honest, but I think they’re the kind of team that will occasionally back into a victory. This will be one such occasion, though don’t expect a ton from this Sam Howell-led offense. Stella’s actually pretty confident in the Broncos here, even though she recognizes that Russell Wilson’s days of dominance are long past. She’s of a mind that Wilson and his receivers will be able to do just enough against a suspect Washington secondary to pull out the win.
We come now to the Miami/New England tilt, where I continue in the grand tradition of talking myself into picking the Patriots. The Mac Jones-helmed offense looked surprisingly effective against a solid Philly D last week; the Dolphins are pretty good defensively, but not as strong as the Eagles. Expect a healthy dose of short passes mixed with a whole lot of Rhamondre Stevenson and Zeke Elliott. I’m expecting the Patriots to control the ball and keep Miami’s offense off the field as much as possible. Stella once again scoffs at my unrepentant homerism. She really likes this Dolphins team and expects them to make some real noise in the AFC East this season. A healthy Tua Tagovailoa makes this a VERY scary offense, thanks largely to the force of nature that is Tyreek Hill. She’s guessing that the New England secondary is going to have a hell of a time trying to contain Hill and that even with the inevitable double coverage, the Miami wideout is going to run rampant. She also thinks that Miami can do enough to contain the Patriots offense and force Jones and company into some bad decisions that can be exploited.
Lastly, in the second of the two Monday night contests, I have the Steelers winning at home against the visiting Browns. This one is more of a gut pick, because Pittsburgh obviously did not look great in their first contest. While the offense is certainly a bit lackluster, I do think that guys like Kenny Pickett, Najee Harris and George Pickens are better than they showed last week. I also think the Steelers pass rush will give the Browns fits. Stella is counting on Nick Chubb’s running to allow the Browns to control the clock and minimize the expectations placed on QB Deshaun Watson. She also thinks Cleveland’s defense will have Pickett running scared all game long, resulting in rushed throws and potentially some big play turnovers. This one looks like a slog and is definitely not the most exciting way to close out the week.
And there we have it! Week 2’s picks are in the books. Thanks for bearing with us and I hope that you’ll be rooting for me as I try to maintain my dignity, though I’m fully aware that I am most definitely NOT the one for whom the vast majority will be rooting. I get it – she’s smarter than me AND more adorable than me. I’d be rooting for her too.
(winners in caps)
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ALLEN’S PICKS
Thursday, September 14
MINNESOTA at Philadelphia
Sunday, September 17
GREEN BAY at Atlanta
Las Vegas at BUFFALO
BALTIMORE at Cincinnati
Seattle at DETROIT
LA CHARGERS at Tennessee
Chicago at TAMPA BAY
KANSAS CITY at Jacksonville
Indianapolis at HOUSTON
SAN FRANCISCO at LA Rams
NY GIANTS at Arizona
NY Jets at DALLAS
WASHINGTON at Denver
Miami at NEW ENGLAND
Monday, September 18
NEW ORLEANS at Carolina
Cleveland at PITTSBURGH
Week 1 record: 6-10
Season record: 6-10
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STELLA’S PICKS
Thursday, September 14
Minnesota at PHILADELPHIA
Sunday, September 17
GREEN BAY at Atlanta
Las Vegas at BUFFALO
Baltimore at CINCINNATI
Seattle at DETROIT
LA CHARGERS at Tennessee
CHICAGO at Tampa Bay
KANSAS CITY at Jacksonville
Indianapolis at HOUSTON
SAN FRANCISCO at LA Rams
NY GIANTS at Arizona
NY Jets at DALLAS
Washington at DENVER
MIAMI at New England
Monday, September 18
NEW ORLEANS at Carolina
CLEVELAND at Pittsburgh
Week 1 record: 9-7
Season record: 9-7
